Have you ever had one of “those” days? You know the kind where everything is a blur and nothing seems to come without great struggle? I have had a few of those lately. Things on the work and home front seem to come in rapid fire succession with not hint of ease or rest. It’s not that I expect things to be easy (not that I would mind if it were), the difficulty is that within the whirlwind it is very difficult to focus and to think deeply. You see I am a thinker, there is never “nothing” going on behind my eyes. This is how I process life, a cerebral wrestling match to understand and organize the things in and around me through the lens of the Word of God. I struggle when I can not understand how what I see and experience is to be viewed from the perspective of YHWH as revealed in his Word. For this to happen takes time to think and meditate on the scriptures allowing their truth to wash over my experience bathing it, cleansing it from the deception of this fallen world, scrubbing it from the corrosion of self-deception that will lurk in the recesses of my being until I am free of this body of sin, allowing the light of the Spirit of God to illumine the matter until the Truth himself speaks from the pages of the Holy Writ calming the storm of the mind. Often this may be in the form of the simple need to acknowledge that He is God and I am not, His ways are higher than mine, His purpose may not be evident to me but His promise is He is actively working to cause ALL things to work for my good and His Glory. In other rare times He may benevolently choose to show me a bit of the “why”, a moment to glimpse the corner of the blueprint in the dim light of the near darkness that swallows this life seeing only a single detail of his master plan.
However, life rarely grants these moments of respite and thought without our violently waging war to gain this time alone to be about the business of our Father. Is this not why the scriptures tell us “Be still and know that I am God”? Is this not why Jesus urged his disciples to “come away” for a little while? Or why our Lord himself stole away regularly to pray?
I struggle mightily with this. I so easily forget where the real battle lies and become distracted with the cacophony of this life. I am stretched thin and am so unsuited within myself to the mighty responsibilities to which He has called me. Pride says, “if he has called me to this I must be able to do it!” Humble faith and worship says, there is nothing good in me, I am but a wretch, anything good that comes out of me is His power at work in this despicable body of sin, “Please Jesus do in me what I cannot do, nor would desire to do in and of myself! Glorify yourself by doing what only you can by working in such a horrible sinner like me!”
Lord Jesus, I am the wretch the song sings of and I cannot keep your commands by myself. Please do what I can’t. I desire to be a faithful servant please help my unbelief!